While I counted down the days until Spring Break I thought about all the action packed days I would have back in the City of Angels. But now, I'm counting how many naps I can take before heading back to school.
Traveling is a luxury that I think everyone should be able to experience. After 3 months hopping back and forth between the U.K. and the EU, I came back with such an angst for sitting still. On campus, I only retreated to my room at night after having done 30 things in my day, when there was only enough time for maybe 10. I thought it was because I missed the hustle and bustle of the city and high life that I kept myself so busy. Yet, now that I have had a couple days away from work, friends, and classes, I'm realizing that I could never sit down because I couldn't bare the idea of doing nothing. My hysteria for the idea of just "chilling" stems from my fear of sitting down and being accompanied only by my thoughts.
There's a saying about how you are your biggest critic, and I think I'm proof of that. I think I could even write a book on how to pick yourself apart in 10 easy steps. The last few weeks have been full of turmoil because of how I have been unable to say what I think, and feel what I need to feel. Stress is a silent killer. For me, stress drove me to flee back home for spring break. Granted, I am still in an amazing place this break. I'm in Los Angeles, with my family and dear friends. However, I know this is only a distraction from things I need to address once I get back to school.
My break has given me some time to think about how I will do this too. See, I'm not just a sad sac of couture clothes. I've used this time to connect with old friends, and stay in contact with on-campus friends. I want to remind myself that I am never truly alone. To people I may have been distant, or had discord with, I'm offering time for both of us to center ourselves again. Thus, allowing us to return with a clear head and a game plan for moving forward if we see that to be fit. Personally, I've been watching TV all of break, studying the craft and refining my tastes for the interviews to come. Of course, I'm making time to head to the gym and keep up the work I have been proud of noticing on my well being.
I hope that the friends who are traveling and partying are having fun. Because we all need a release. I wish them well, and I hope that when we're all back on campus we can end with a bang! There are 5 weeks left in this semester and I plan on entering my senior year with good vibes and even greater friends!